Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
