The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
