There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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