I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
