Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
