i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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