I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
