Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He better not be in your backpack
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
