Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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