Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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