My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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