Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
