Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think i got beer on your cat.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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