Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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