i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
