Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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