omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
