shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
her vagine was all disorganized.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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