remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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