You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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