butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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