i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
