Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
