batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
