If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
