Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
