I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
