I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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