honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
