if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
