something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
