Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
