why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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