I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize