If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Drake has all the answers
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
