I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my shit smells like andre
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
