I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
