im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
