That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
