There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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