i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
