I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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