PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
