why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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