Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
