You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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