I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
