I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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