my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
