I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
