FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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